I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
