By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
