I puked a lego.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
