Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
