well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
