are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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