you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
