DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
