I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
