nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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