break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't turn off my feet"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
