Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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