so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
