UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
