cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
