We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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