I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
