my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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