Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
