How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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