Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
