i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
