i jhust puked up my retainher.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
