i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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