Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
