:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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