I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
