I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
