He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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