I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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