Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
