ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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