so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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