Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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