none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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