Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
