I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
