mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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