things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
