Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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