Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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