Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
