oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
