my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
