I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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