is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
