the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
