Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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