You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
