My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
